Bad Writing

Bad writing makes me want to claw my eyes out - From little places like personal descriptions on online profiles, to fan fiction and erotic fiction like the kind I publish online, to actual crappy book that are out there, and, even worse, actual books that become best sellers and get big movie deals and come alive every realease with the screaming of a million idiotic fan girls - yes, I'm talking to you, Twilight.

It's not like everyone has to be a complete Shakespeare all the time. All that I ask is that people keep the amount of skill they put into their writing appropriate to the task at hand. Profile for a dating site - maybe use you're browser BUILT IN SPELLCHECK. Emails - same deal.

When it get's longer than about a paragraph - say, a page long article in a newsletter or a short piece of fan fiction/erotic fiction online - then you might want to make sure you're grammar's acceptable. And no, not acceptable like using "whom" instead of "who" or anything pedantic and anal like - just so long as it sounds like the way people actually speak - and by that, I mean, the way they actually speak in the language you are writing.

Then we get to anything between short story's and small novels - you might want to consider editing yourself, going over your work to find sentences that don't feel right in the flow of your piece, and asking yourself if maybe there's a better way to write that sentence. Maybe re-arrange some things, include stuff that you didn't think about the first time - it won't kill you.

And that brings us too books. One that jumps to mind (AKA, jumps screaming to mind, wearing a brightly coloured outfit and waving around some gigantic spear like a horrible amazon princess from some 80's science fiction cover) is Twilight. In this day and age, I'm shocked that some can put out a book that is a complete piece of garbage, and still have it be a best seller. It's insane. And don't try to tell Twilight fans that - they'll use the fact that it's sold however million copies as "proof" that it's good literature. Kind of like looking at the success of McDonald's to "prove" that they serve healthy, wholesome food. Anyway, when you're writing a book - RESEARCH a little bit, why don't you. Get to know your setting, and the cultural aspects of some of the people in your books - sorry about that Quileute tribe. Stephenie Meyer was just sort of re-enacting the colonial days of America by wiping her ass with your culture - sort of a "Thanksgiving" project.

Anyway, let's move on to TV and movies. There are so many bad examples out there, that I'm going to have to leave Twilight out of this and go back to it at a later stage - let's face it, the whole things been tainted ever since Stephanie Meyer woke up from her dirty dream about boinking a dead, cold 17 year old boy that sparkled... No comment.

Let's start with Series - it's way to easy to put crap out there. Cougar Town, Courtney Cox's latest log thrown on the dying pile of embers that is her fame, is TERRIBLE. The dialog is corney, the jokes are barely funny. They've somehow manage to take an amazing cast - snatched from actually funny production like Friends, Scrubs and White Chicks - and they've turned it into the most painful way anyone intelligent could spend 20 minutes. I don't even have a comment for the writers - they're that bad. For improvements, they should just fire there writers, throw a bunch of plot lines into a hat, and spend that 20 minutes improvising. And the only way I can be sure that they don't already do that is that it's just so terrible, and that these actors are so good, they can't be screwing it up without some serious help.

Movies - the latest one that comes to mind is 2012. When I went to see it, I was wondering if the movie house was pulling some kind of prank. "HA-HA!!! Gotcha! It's amazing what you guys will pay to see! You should have seen your faces!" Seriously, have writers in Hollywood run out of ideas? Because, really, 2012 was every disaster movie I've ever seen. And I don't mean that in the neutral way, like it was just as good or as bad as all those others - I mean, it was EVERY one of those disaster movies, with all the non-dramatic bits cut out, and then ALL crammed into one movie. It was terrible - it was like watching the humorous Disaster Movie - without ANY of the humor.

Anyway, that's my random rant for the season... and the only blog post that I've done in the will, because it fell in the perfect window of me having something to say, and me having time to say it.

Thank you and goodbye. =)

Sex Map

Find out where I've journeyed on the Map of Human Sexuality! Or get your own here!

So this is my sex map. I compared it with a friend who asked me to do it, and his made me feel like a mega-ho'.

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The Long Road Home

So I'm back, in South Africa at least, if not exactly home home, in Cape Town. I'm staying with my dad, in Joburg, right now. Until the 31st, when I fly back. I'm going to be here for my big sister's 21st, so that's going to be lots of fun.

The trip back was just the tiniest bit stressful for me. One the things I had to worry about was that I had way to much baggage. I had checked in the 23 kg that I was allowed to, but as hand luggage, I had 2 bags at 11 kg each. And since the limit was one piece of hand luggage at 7 kg, I felt a bit like an outlaw. And not a super-bad-ass, me-against-the-law kind of outlaw. No, the fact that I had to gigantic-ass bags weighing me down, and not to mention making it obvious that I was WAY over the baggage limit, made me feel like a HUGE idiot.

But it all turned out well. I got through the flight from Sydney to Perth without any trouble, because they're not overly strict about baggage on domestic flights. But I was worried that I'd be mega-screwed when I had to switch over to my flight to Jo'burg, because they'd crack down on baggage more for international flights. Anyway, I spent the four hour flight worrying about that, but when we landed, I had something else to worry about - we were stuck on the tarmac for about half an hour after we landed, for some reason or other, and I was going to miss the bus to take me to the international terminal - which, for some idiotic reason, is a 15 minute drive away from the domestic terminal.

So I did miss the bus, and I had to catch the next one - which left an hour later. I ended up arriving at the terminal 5 minutes before my flight was supposed to leave. And I still had to go through customs and security and all that. So I was basically mega-screwed. But, on my way in, I got stopped by an air hostess from South African airways, and she asked me if I was... well, me... and I said "YES!!" (Yes, exactly like that) and then she basically sped me through security and customs and onto the plane. Some Aussie asshole stopped me and said "Hey, you're not allowed to have that much baggage." And some other crap like that. I thought I was in for a full lecture, but the whole SA crew was standing out there, waiting to take off, and giving him the evil eye for delaying the process further - so he picked up on the atmosphere very quickly and shut up, and I was home free.

Okay, maybe not the nicest thing for me to break their laws like that. But really, the flight was half full (Yes - I'm an optimist) and there was plenty of space. And I just didn't have the money to pay to check my stuff in.

But anyway, it's awesome to be back in South Africa. I was very surprised by how much patriotism has sprung up since I've been away. People have SA flags sticking out of their car windows now, and they have these weird SA flag covers on their side-mirrors. It's very cool.

It's been nice walking around the malls here a bit too. You know, comparing prices, and what sort of stuff is available.

Three things I've been unable to find here tho: Frozen Coke, Meat Lovers Pizza and Butter Salt. I still have hope for the Meat Lovers - I've had a "Meat Feast" pizza at one place here. It's not as good, but I'm hoping one of the other places will have a decent Meat Lovers equivalent. Butter Salt - I'm sure I can find. I've only been to one movie house so far. And Frozen Coke - I fear it's going to be a while before that finds its way into South Africa.

Three things I missed, and am glad to have again: Steers Burgers - HOLY CRAP, so good. They just don't have anything quite as good, cheap and easy to find in Aus. Chocolate Products - anything, biscuits, bars - just a lot better here, I think. And Afrikaans music - This guy called Jack Parow has this song called Cooler As Ekke - it's SO funny.

Anyway, over and out

;-)

All that glitters... is probably gay

Okay, well, since I don't have much to talk about right now... I think I'm just going blurt out a whole bunch of things that I've seen on the internet over the last couple of months, or just generally thought about. Hopefully this'll get me started on some kind of thing where, the next time I see something, I can put it on. Also, I feel like it really has been a long time since I last blogged, and I'm kinda bored right now, so I have the time, but I don't really have anything to talk about.

I am going back to South Africa on wednesday.... which is kind of bittersweet. I'll really miss... Life here, in general. My aunt, uncle & cousins, obviously. My cousin's friends, who are a really cool bunch of people. The shopping here - I'm going to miss the non-stop sales, the way the cheap clothing stores have a much better fashion than the cheap ones in SA do, the gimmmicks and gadgets that you can find here, stores that are dedicated to things that I'd never thought you could dedicate stores to (ie: Vacuums, Shavers, Tea, Storage), K-Mart&Target&TheBigW (I can't help it - there is nothing like them in SA) Not to mention trains, ah the trains, and the busses that go basically anywhere. But yeah, I'm already kind of homesick. Plus, money is always an issue. I mean, I've been working, and that was great - made loads - but, yeah, I'm still not rich, and I still feel kind of like a squatter. Plus, I need to get my life sorted out (In regards to coming-out and finding love) and, well, hopefully I can do that when I'm back home.

ANYWAY. On to the gay stuff.

The gay rainbow flag has only SIX colours. Now, I'm sorry if I'm a mega-science nerd, but there are 7 colours in the rainbow spectrum. Remember that lame line that your teacher used to get you to remember it? Richard Of York Gave Battle In Vain - ROYGBIV.

Red

Orange

Yellow

Green

Blue

Indigo

Violet

Well, the gay flag seems to be missing Indigo. Which drives me crazy. Apparently it was lost in the 1979 Pride Parade of San Francisco - the place from which the symbol sprang. It was so that the gays and lesbians could each walk on their side of the street with the same number of colours - so that's why they decided to drop indigo... which I suppose is understandable, because next to violet and blue it's like... meh, what do we need indigo for? You know, it's kinda redundant.

Oh wow. This actually took up more space than I thought.

So, in that case, I'm actually going to end it here. I'll be back soon, with another gay thing to blog about.

Well, hopefully soon. I'm bad at this "timely" thing.

=)

Camping!

Camping was fun. I mean, I've only ever been on school camps or karate camps before - all of which were organised to the point of tedium. You know, it gets annoying when there's a planned activity for every single minute of your day. Not that I'm saying I don't like doing things when I'm camping - but the face that school camps have activities that are compulsory just sucks. Karate camp, I actually didn't mind so much, because the activity was training - and I looked forward to that. But school was always some crappy, team-building thing. Snore.

Anyway, this camp was good. It was just a bunch of teenagers, and a lot of fun. Everyone brought stuff and we had everything we needed - which wasn't really good planning, but rather the fact that we had packed a million things and some of them came in handy.

We were in a national park that was right on the beach, which was awesome. Really nice to hear the waves while you're drifting off - kinda reminds me of home, in Cape Town.

We were there for about 4 nights, which was, in my opinion, the best amount of time. By the 4th night, I was totally ready to go home. It went nicely though. On the first 2 nights, we got really drunk. On the 3rd night, we went to a restaurant in a nearby town (It was only about 20 minutes driving distance). And on the last night, we went to the nearby town again, to see a movie - Kick-Ass, which is absolutely AWESOME, btw.

Anyway, it was cool. I feel like it got me closer to her cousin, and a couple of her friends.

I spent the second night in one of the tents with the gay guy that she's friends with. No - not that kind of night, in case you're thinking that. He still doesn't know I'm gay, because I haven't told her (My cousin) yet. We talked tho. He's really cool, and not just because he's cute. (Although I'm not going to deny that that is a factor) And he just broke up with his boyfriend, so... yeah... maybe...

But, anyway, I had lots of fun. Although it was a bit weird dealing with people for that extended period of time. And speaking of that, I've developed a new drinking game:

The Socially Awkward Drinking Game!

Here are the rules:

1) If confronted by an awkward silence - take a swig of your drink.

2) If sitting in a group, and you have gone the last 3 minutes without so much as contributing one word - take a swig of your drink.

3) If someone tells an inside joke that you don't understand - take a swig of your drink.

4) If you tell a joke, and no one laughs - take a swig of your drink.

4a) If you end up being the only one laughing at your own joke - make that swig a double one.

I'm working on more rules, but I'll think about them later, next time I'm drinking in social situations. It's quite a nice game. You have to be socially awkward to play, but it works out well - the drunker you get (as a result of the game) the less awkward you become, hence the less you drink - so it definitely burns itself out.

Anyway, that's that. One more thing about camp - it helped me come to an important realisation:

I don't need to be here, in Aus, as desperately as I thought I did. I really wanted to study here and end up living here, but I've realised that that's just due to envy of my cousins life. And, even if I do end up living here, it definitely won't be like her life - she's got a pair of stable parents to back up, which I don't. But it's going to be like that, wherever I choose to be in the world. So, wherever I choose can be anyway - America, The UK, whatever. Sure, Aus may end up being the best - Like America but smarter, Like the UK but warmer and nicer. But, even if I do end up here, that shouldn't mean I shouldn't got to the other places, and spend time there.

Anyway, done blogging.

MWAH

Clubbing

Yeah, well, I was thinking about this last night, while I was out doing - guess what - CLUBBING!

And no, not golfing. Or clubbing seals.... although that'd be fun.............

Jokes.

Anyway, I went out with a whole group of people, because it was my cousin's friends 18th, so yeah. It... well, it was clubbing. I'm not a huge fan. Don't get me wrong, the excitement of it all was good enough. You know, going out, seeing the city.

I think one of the main issues is that I should be out of the closet, and gay clubbing - I'd probably enjoy that a lot more. Because clubbing seems to focus, mostly, on sex. Okay, not exclusively, but I don't get why you want to dance to horrible boom-boom-boom-BOOM music if you're not planning on getting laid (with varying degrees of success) I just don't get it otherwise. Sure, it's nice to dance... nice-ish. And to drink. But, meh, they aren't that fun, aren't they? Not when you remove the possibility of sex.

My cousin openly hates clubbing. And maybe that's good - maybe I should be more like that. Because I really pretend to have a lot more fun then I actually do, which is probably not good...

All I know is that when I'm out clubbing, I'm not always having this "AWESOME TIME" people seem to talk about. For most of the night I just feel awkward... and... meh. It's like I'll always be the little fat kid with acne and glasses that the other little boys laugh at because he doesn't play sports....

Anyway, let me not reminisce about my disappointing childhood...

But, yeah, the point seems to be this: Get drunk, get laid. Tada. That's it. The dancing is just more of a facilitator of getting laid. So, naturally, at a straigh club, it wouldn't hold any appeal for me. Although, I've never been to a gay club, so I wouldn't know, at this point, whether I'd find it just as annoying and pointless.

Anyway, to be less vague, this "city" is Sydney, and we were in Kings Cross - the red light district - woo-hoo. I'm shocked, actually - you come to Aus, and there are all these rules and regulations, ab nauseam, and then I go on a tour and: "This is Kings Cross, the red light district, where prostitution is legal."

Anyway, before we went clubbing, we went to a strip club. God, I've got to come out - not that it'll prevent me from being dragged places like that - the gay guy in the group still got dragged to it. But, yeah, at least I'll stop wondering if I should maybe pretend that I like it or not. Because I really don't.

Luckily tho, I was spared the trouble by the strip club being ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS.

The club was basically just this row of benches in front of a single stage, and there was one dancer... youngish girl. Anyway, the reason her act was funny, and not sexy, was that she had like 5 moves.... and she just did them over and over and over.....

1)She'd do that thing (that strippers do) where she'd swing around the pole, legs in the air (so basically like holding on to the pole with her arms and... I donno... clamping on with her Vag...)

2)Then she'd turn upside down, and do a hand-stand for about a full minute....

3)Then she'd come to the front of the stage, lie down (Vag facing the crowd) and stick her legs up in the air and.... gyrate... for a couple of minutes...

4)Then she'd come into the isle between the benches, and shake her... stuff... all around... again, for another couple of minutes....

5)Then she'd.... Go back to the stage and start over!

And, to top it all off, she had this look of abject boredom on her face the whole time.

It was so funny. Yet, at the same time, I was almost as bored as she looked. I think I would have felt that way, even if I was straight.

But, yeah.... it was also kind of sad. Sure, I'm all for strippers rights. And I'm of the opinion that it's only degrading if you let it be. And.... from what I saw... what that girl was doing, was degrading.

Seriously, if I was going to be a stripper... even a male one... I know it's a long shot, but just follow me on this one... I'm sure the last thing I'd feel is boredom. Yes, you can feel nervous, or terribly depressed that you have to resort to it, or you can even embrace it - as an expression of your freedom and independance etc... But, meh, to get bored while you're doing it. That actually breaks my heart a little bit.

Otherwise, the night was good. I wore fancy-assed shoes, that I really shouldn't have, because I was the ONLY ONE wearing fancy-assed shoes, and they KILLED my feet.

Hmmmm, well, that concludes my blog for today. I'm going camping soon - and I'm hoping to write something about that once I'm back in the land of interwebz and eklektricity. I'm so proud of me, for writing this soon after my other post. I'm going to try and keep this up. It's really therapeutic.

And a little shout-out to my hater, who has nothing better to do than "Looking forward to reading [my] blog to see if this(the email he sent me about my story - which he read the latest chapter of, even after "writing it off" as a "lost cause) makes it [here]." Congrats - you've got a mention in my blog now. Asshole.

Probably would have been better to not have said anything at all... but then, I donno, it might seem like I've seen his message, been hurt by his words, and INTENTIONALLY left him out of my blog.... So I decided to err on the side of bitchiness. :-)

And I fear this may turn into a mud-slinging match, depending on his nature - yes, his and not mine, because if it was purely up to my nature - it's would definitely turn into a huge mudslinging match. :-D I'm a bad, bad, childish little kiddie.

And now I'm really done blogging.

MWAH.

The End of The World

Okay, so I'm talking, of course, about the impending collision in CERN's Large Hadron Collider that may cause scientists to gain a deeper meaning of all matter and energy and it would change the world as we know it.... or, you know, the collision that they're using to do this may cause a collision that would DESTROY THE WORLD!!!!

So, you might ask me - If the world is possibly going to end soon, what the HELL are you doing sitting behind your computer, and writing in your damn Blog, which you haven't bothered to write in for however many months?

And I'll tell you. (Even if that wasn't you question)

Well, firstly, because even I haven't exactly done everything I wanted to in life. Hell, I've done basically nothing I wanted to in life. Except going to Australia - and even now that I'm here, sure it's great, but a lot of things have gone wrong and I've been quite down lately.

Anyway, even though I haven't done everything (er, anything) I really wanted to, there's not much time to do them now, anyway. Also - I doubt it'll destroy us. Still, there's the possibility... But I'm an optimist.

So, rather than go into a moment of irrational and possibly to-be-humiliating-in-the-future kind of fear... I'd rather write down some thoughts.

Because my blog is something I've been putting off - first because I was too busy and having too much fun with the Aus trip, then because the Aus trip was kind of getting me down.... and I didn't want to put bad, weepy, miserable whining on my blog.

Plus, I got HATEMAIL. My first hatemail. Okay, maybe hate is strong, but this guy was an ASSHOLE. He literally called my stories "lost causes" and he told me I shouldn't put links to my blog if I wasn't going to update it. And, yes, I know I've been bad - but who fucking CARES, right? Actually, let's take a vote:

Provided anyone sees this post... lol. Anyway, I'm putting a poll... somewhere above this. Check it out.

Okay, so anyway....

The Final Days....

I'm just seriously pissed off (With Myself now, not that Asshole who hatemailed me) about how I haven't done ANYTHING that I'm "STILL PLANNING" on. I mean, I haven't told any family or close friends that I'm gay. I haven't had SEX. I haven't had a boyfriend. I haven't..... done ANYTHING.

And, I'm hoping this feeling stays with me, because I hope this fear, that the world could end of any time, makes it stupid to fear other stuff. "What will they think of me?" "What if he doesn't like me?" - All bullshit!

So I'm hoping that... well, firstly that we survive. But also that I get over my own crap and just DO the things I want to do.

And I will right another blog, because, hey, it's always worth it, to write the things that you're thinking down.

Mwah, bitches.