X is weird as all hell - talk about mixed signals. I have no idea if... well, anything. If he's even my friend. Well, okay, maybe not that, but I can never be sure if we're close or not.
Our biggest problem is probably that he's as socially awkward as me, so building the relationship kind of happens in jerks and starts.
I don't know about my crush.
Okay, obviously I can't just MAKE myself stop wanting him, but the chances are so slim that I'm wondering if it's even worth building myself up like that - especially when it plays jump-rope with my emotions.
Another guy, a soccer jock, let's call him C, is totally hot. We see each other around a bit, but don't really talk much. We did university access tests at the same venue today though, and since we were the only familiar faces there, we talked quite a bit.
He actually makes me wonder - we go to a very christian school and he jokes about being gay. Sometimes I wonder just how much he's joking though.
What I feel about him - I dunno.
It's definitely not the same thing as it is with X. He's hot as all hell, but we really don't have that much in common. When I fantasize about X, it's not just sex but more like soft kisses and holding hands and laughing together - all that romantic crap I usually scoff at.
With C, the fantasies are just sex. Nothing else, really.
See, that's when morality bugs me. If I like a guy and enjoy his company, then I'd be his boyfriend. But if someone turns me on, and I don't exactly revel in the conversation, why shouldn't I just sleep with him? Not that this isn't a moot point - I am still a virgin, after all.
Anyway, that enough for this post.
Thank You and Goodni- err... Morning
OB:
Got rid of something objectionable and stupid here, and as always, changes for spelling/grammar/clarity. Also removed the reference, but C is the basis of what's become the Jamie character in One More Year.
