X is weird as all hell - talk about mixed signals. I have no idea if... well, anything. If he's even my friend. Well, okay, maybe not that, but I can never be sure if we're close or not.
Our biggest problem is probably that he's as socially awkward as me, so building the relationship kind of happens in jerks and starts.
I don't know about my crush.
Okay, obviously I can't just MAKE myself stop wanting him, but the chances are so slim that I'm wondering if it's even worth building myself up like that - especially when it plays jump-rope with my emotions.
Another guy, a soccer jock, let's call him C, is totally hot. We see each other around a bit, but don't really talk much. We did university access tests at the same venue today though, and since we were the only familiar faces there, we talked quite a bit.
He actually makes me wonder - we go to a very christian school and he jokes about being gay. Sometimes I wonder just how much he's joking though.
What I feel about him - I dunno.
It's definitely not the same thing as it is with X. He's hot as all hell, but we really don't have that much in common. When I fantasize about X, it's not just sex but more like soft kisses and holding hands and laughing together - all that romantic crap I usually scoff at.
With C, the fantasies are just sex. Nothing else, really.
See, that's when morality bugs me. If I like a guy and enjoy his company, then I'd be his boyfriend. But if someone turns me on, and I don't exactly revel in the conversation, why shouldn't I just sleep with him? Not that this isn't a moot point - I am still a virgin, after all.
Anyway, that enough for this post.
Thank You and Goodni- err... Morning
OB:
Got rid of something objectionable and stupid here, and as always, changes for spelling/grammar/clarity. Also removed the reference, but C is the basis of what's become the Jamie character in One More Year.
Call X and see if he wants to hang out. Do it! lol
ReplyDeleteI know it's not as simple as that, but if he's your friend then go for it. Spend as much time as you can with him within the scope of being friends and see what you find out, see what he's about.
Your profile says you're 18, have you finished school? You might find that making friends is a lot more accessible while in school, so if school has ended or is about to end and X is a person you won't see on a regular basis as a result, then it's probably better to become closer friends sooner than later. I don't know 99% of the people I went to high school with, yet when I was in high school you can bet there were more than 1% I would've liked to know better before they became a memory.
And hey, morality aside, if you think a guy is hot and he's down for a little fun then go for it if it seems right to you. I'm not a one-night stander and don't know that I could just hook up with a guy that I didn't intend on exploring a relationship with, but that being said I didn't really have much opportunity present itself for that before getting together with my first (and still current) boyfriend so I can't say that I would've ruled out the option if it came up. I wasn't a virgin when I got together with my boy, but I may as well have been since the couple things that happened prior to that weren't anything to gloat about.