Almost there...

Okay, so finals are nearly over. That's good, I suppose. I can feel myself loosing the will to achieve, if I ever had it, but anyway... 

Hopefully I can get back on track... 

Tomorrow though, I'm so not in the mood now. So, haven't really spent time with X in the last... oh, 3-4 weeks. Haven't really had the time. It's been good and bad, I guess. Bad because, well, the obvious reason that seeing him and spending time with him usually makes my day. Good because... Well, it's a lot more peaceful. 

Realistically, I don't think anything's ever going to happen with him. Life's just not that kind. Maybe I'm just saying that because I'm having a minor existential crisis over here. I should go for someone available - it's just a tiny bit less idiotic. 

Which brings us to someone who shall henceforth be known as T. We met on a gay dating site, and we both live kind of close to each other - not close enough right now, because we have no transport, but it will be close enough when I get my car in December. 

But that's another whole big confusing thing... I'm not sure if he likes me. We flirt, a lot - but it's still just an online relationship. And I definitely couldn't be mistaking it for flirting - it's pretty clear. He's... very good looking. From the photo's I've seen anyway. 

It's just.... Well, first of all, he told me how he was so hung up over this guy... the details were a bit fuzzy, but still, I'm wondering if he's emotionally available. And also, he's... a whole lot more "experienced" than me (ie. I'm still a virgin and he's already done a 3-some with an older guy) 

And... there's one more problem. I'm not sure I'm actually into it. Yes, he's cute, and we have great chats, but you never know from just chatting. So now, basically, I have to wait to meet him, and worry about whatever will happen the whole time I'm waiting. It's seriously annoying. But I think I could like him. 

Hopefully he's the same person in real life, just better. He should be. From what I've experienced, if I only ever chatted online with X, then I'd hate his guts. He's a really lousy chatter. And T is not, so we'll see. 

In the meantime, I've got other stressors - the rest of my exams, plus the Matric farewell dance, which is a social situation (like most of them) that I'm thoroughly dreading. Oh well. 

 After then, Australia. Well, after then, work, saving money and then only 3 months of Aus. I'm going there on a sponsored VISA... don't know if I've already said this.... but it's better than studying. Everyone seems to know someone in Australia, that I must "meet up with" - it's weird.

I know 3 people that have told me they've got a friend in Australia - one to give me a place to stay in Perth if I need it, one to be my Aussie fag-hag (I laughed at that one) and one hot guy to lay me. Lol. I can't wait.

OB:

Spelling/Grammar/Clarity

I'm alright now...

Okay, I've been doing good, especially lately. Haven't been thinking about X..... much. Not lately anyway. Been trying to study - although that's not going so well, since I haven't done it in about..... Oh, forever. 

It's okay tho. I'm managing. Just a bit scared about Science - I've dropped from an A to a D in the last year. I'm doing well tho - making study notes. I've already covered 4 out of 10 chapters, in a few hours of today, and I have the whole of tomorrow to study. 

 Okay, I know it's going to sound lame, but X is one of the reason's I've been studying. For science, at least. He always asks me to help him with it, and I sort of promised him notes last time I helped him. So I'm hoping I can get him here.... 

Just so I can do nothing and feel bad about it. Sigh. Oh well. 

Something interesting happened today though. I played Tomb Raider, and I was thinking about this guy (another author from nifty) who lives in Britain, who I met a while back, who got me interested in the game, and then late, on Facebook, he started chatting with me. 

Well - tried to start chatting with me. I just missed him. I was looking at other stuff at the time. Anyway, that was just a fun coincidence. 

As for my plans for the near future.... they no longer involve studying in Australia. Luckily, they still involve Australia. So, basically, they no longer involve studying (YAY) For now, anyway. 

I'm going to stay with my cousins in Sydney (or jut outside of it, not too sure where - I have very little interest in geography) On a holiday visa, which is kind of crap, because it's only 3 months, but still - I get to travel, plus, now that I'm not studying anymore, I can go there solely for the purpose of having fun. 

Okay, and I'm off to bed, so I can be ready for my exam, and for seeing X again. Not seeing him for so long (because of spread out the exams are), and then seeing him come toward me today and smiling just made me feel.... AH! Frustrated and happy and goofy and confused all at the same time. 

 But anyway.... bed.

OB:

Spelling/Grammar/Clarity.