Not feeling to good right now....

I've sort of had a lot of "Oooh, cringe!!!" moments recently: 

I said something I may or may not come to regret, to someone who hasn't spoken to me for a while since. 

I'm basically just giving up on my IT project (which we had to make out own programs for) - and just submitting a half-assed program that doesn't even work. 

Oh, and, in WoW, my guild is kind of "on to me" - lol. That was quite bad. I've joined this guild, and I've basically been stealing from their vault (although, technically, I thought it was allowed) and the leader got pissed off and asked me to explain myself. I doubt I'm going to - that's their issue. 

I really feel no loyalty for a bunch of losers who play WoW... Oh, I suppose that includes me. I just feel really judgmental though, because most of the main guys are above 40. When I'm that age, I hope I have better things to do than to get a death knight to level 80... but ANYWAY... 

Other reasons I'm not feeling to good: X. Well, these past weeks have been great, but it's back to school, and back to our group of friends (A very motley crowd, and I use the term 'friends' very loosely) and X is acting like an idiot again, like he always does around them. 

On the upside, school is over - we had the valedictory service, and now it's just exams. We're officially done, and no longer part of the school, since all we do there now is our exams. Some people cried, at the valedictory. I had to stop myself from laughing when our Head-Boy (This GIGANTIC guy with a booming deep voice - very "FEE-FI-FO-FUM") burst into sobs in the middle of his speech. It was hilarious. 

Whatever - I'm cold and uncaring, let me enjoy it. I mean, even if I were... a crying person, what the hell is there to cry about? Seriously though, let's look at it: Change (as in moving on with life) - crying about change is a bit pathetic. Change is (mostly) good, especially if it's something as routine as matriculation.

Missing People - I don't know about the rest, but I definitely plan to keep in touch with everybody I like.... which isn't many people, but still. People aren't possessions. 

Anyway, brighter hopes for the future. I'm planning on Australia now, but for a studying year, not a gap year. Due to the shortcomings of my stupid F*&%ing country, I can't go for a working holiday. Which kinda sucks - because now I'm just going to be studying, and I don't think I can save up money like I wanted to, because all the courses are so damn expensive. 

But, oh well. I start exams on Wednesday, so let's hope I survive. Oh, and I've written a lot of stuff. I'll probably be able to edit it and upload it to nifty soon.

OB:

Spelling/Grammar/Clarity. I was kind of an asshole in this post. Although, if I'm being honest, I have more sympathy for the adult WoW players whose fun I was ruining than I do for the sobbing Head-Boy. Still hasn't let go of high school, that fella. But his emotional honesty was nice, if out of character.

Life Goes On...

I'm just sitting here, thinking about X, and I feel like I should cry, like that would make it better. But I don't really make a habit of crying, so.... anyway. 

We just spent the last 48 hours together, non-stop - barring sleep, for which we had different rooms. I went over to his house then he came over to mine. It was pretty cool. What am I saying? It was awesome. I had so much fun - even though I'm not really used to playing computer games non-stop for that long. 

But now it's over. I dunno, when I'm with him, I feel great. It's unbelievable. But as soon as he leaves I get depressed, and I start doubting everything. I blame primary school for this - it's left me with a whole bunch of issues about close friendship. 

I've been playing World of Warcraft - Yay, I can finally work in the "Deathsteeds" part of my blog name. That's mostly his influence, but I still enjoy it. It's like the Sims, with fighting. It appeals to both the control freak and the testosterone pumped gorilla in me. Plus, I'm a bit of a fantasy nut. 

Another friend has joined us though, and now it's weird-ish. I mean, I still like the other guy, and we chat online now too, but now it's not mine and X's "thing" anymore. I've made a few friends (WoW friends), and it's cool. One gave me lots of gold, coz I'm hot. Hehehe. OR at least my character is. 

Another one is from Holland, which is quite cool. See? There's something to be said for online gaming. X though..... I dunno, it's hard to tell, but on online chat it's like X is being offish with me, which sucks. Oh well. Then, there's still the crush, and that just makes me sadder. 

I mean, it's not going to end well. Unless something romantic and incredibly unrealistic happens and him and I end up together, I'm going to be the friend who lied to him. It's just weird. I hate keeping secrets. Anyway, life does go on. 

I'm definitely taking a gap year. Going to Australia, more than likely, to live with family. I mean, I'll have to come out to them, but I think I'm ready to do that. Or, I'll just.... I dunno. I guess I'll just wing it. Come out if it feels right. I'm not expecting any issues or trauma. 

America is still there, but now it seems like a better idea to go to Aus first. Life is good. I just need to get off my but, (STOP PLAYING WOW), and get the brilliant marks for my finals that everyone (Including me) expects of me. 

And definitely stop procrastinating. Yeah, that sounds good.... Maybe I'll start tomorrow.... or the day after.... ;-)

OB:

Spelling/Grammar/Clarity. Also, wow, clearly wasn't afraid to brag about academics back then. Although finals did actually go exceedingly well, so maybe I had a point.