We just spent the last 48 hours together, non-stop - barring sleep, for which we had different rooms. I went over to his house then he came over to mine. It was pretty cool. What am I saying? It was awesome. I had so much fun - even though I'm not really used to playing computer games non-stop for that long.
But now it's over. I dunno, when I'm with him, I feel great. It's unbelievable. But as soon as he leaves I get depressed, and I start doubting everything. I blame primary school for this - it's left me with a whole bunch of issues about close friendship.
I've been playing World of Warcraft - Yay, I can finally work in the "Deathsteeds" part of my blog name. That's mostly his influence, but I still enjoy it. It's like the Sims, with fighting. It appeals to both the control freak and the testosterone pumped gorilla in me. Plus, I'm a bit of a fantasy nut.
Another friend has joined us though, and now it's weird-ish. I mean, I still like the other guy, and we chat online now too, but now it's not mine and X's "thing" anymore.
I've made a few friends (WoW friends), and it's cool. One gave me lots of gold, coz I'm hot. Hehehe. OR at least my character is.
Another one is from Holland, which is quite cool. See? There's something to be said for online gaming.
X though..... I dunno, it's hard to tell, but on online chat it's like X is being offish with me, which sucks. Oh well.
Then, there's still the crush, and that just makes me sadder.
I mean, it's not going to end well. Unless something romantic and incredibly unrealistic happens and him and I end up together, I'm going to be the friend who lied to him. It's just weird. I hate keeping secrets.
Anyway, life does go on.
I'm definitely taking a gap year. Going to Australia, more than likely, to live with family. I mean, I'll have to come out to them, but I think I'm ready to do that. Or, I'll just.... I dunno. I guess I'll just wing it. Come out if it feels right. I'm not expecting any issues or trauma.
America is still there, but now it seems like a better idea to go to Aus first.
Life is good. I just need to get off my but, (STOP PLAYING WOW), and get the brilliant marks for my finals that everyone (Including me) expects of me.
And definitely stop procrastinating.
Yeah, that sounds good.... Maybe I'll start tomorrow.... or the day after....
;-)
OB:
Spelling/Grammar/Clarity. Also, wow, clearly wasn't afraid to brag about academics back then. Although finals did actually go exceedingly well, so maybe I had a point.
Oh, yeah, I actually meant to post this on Friday night (Not momday morning :-P) But I was playing WoW. LOL
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel. I saw a friend for the first time in over a year on Sunday. All those feelings came rushing back... he was so much fun to be around with, and everything felt so right for those few hours... and then when he left it was like all this emptiness was there again, but worse.
ReplyDeleteI don't have a crush on him, per se, but I wouldn't mind if we could be more than friends. I wouldn't wreck it though cos he means too much to me as a friend for me to possibly drive him away with a confession of attraction. *Le Sigh* What are we to do?
I donno, grow up and become more mature, accepting people?...... NAAAAAH!
ReplyDeleteLet's just wallow in our pitiful half-formed hopes and dreams :D