That's not exactly the whole story, nor the way I'd express it.
I'm kinda falling for my friend, who's recently becoming something like my best friend, and I'm sure it's not a good idea. Officially, he's "straight", but then again, officially(and at the moment), so am I.
Let's call him X(For a few reasons, all personal, except for the one about anonymity), and he's mega-cute. Not your jock, muscle-man, model kind of guy, but.... definitely cute. Face-wise - Blond, blue eyed, great nose, full lips. Body-wise - Broad shouldered, average weight, pale as the undriven snow, strong arms.
Very nice combination, altogether.
So anyway, I got back from visiting my dad for the holidays, and I was so planning contacting him, and finding some excuse to see him (We don't usually hang out that much). But, being lazy, loner, holiday-mode me, I didn't get around to it.
So basically, I found myself on the last day of holiday, still not having seen him at all, which kinda sucked. I had woken up semi-early to try and get myself back into my usual sleeping hours, and work out and maybe ride my bike along the beach.
Neither really happened, so I was just sitting around watching pirated series' on my computer when X phoned me.
He asked me for help with some of the homework we had been given (Yup, over the holidays. Harsh huh?), which, funnily enough, I hadn't gotten around to either. So, being just as lazy as him, I decided hey, I could help him, it might motivate me.
It didn't, really. We tried, but we kept trailing off, and just talking instead.
During which he said to me, that I was the only one of the group that he could really "have a conversation with." Okay, to be fair, that is very true. I'll talk about our group of friends at some later point, but trust me, the only one is spot on. I told him (I think) that he was also the only one in the group that I could have conversations with.
It's pretty awesome to realise that though, and that he said it first.
While were doing "science" (As he said to his mom every time she phoned him - which was a strangely large amount of times) it basically degenerated into him wanting to play Final Fantasy X, which he's never played. (I would like to thank both Square Enix and Fate here)
So, during this, he invited me out to movies.
To Harry Potter, actually, which he had already seen. First we got food, which was fun.... ish. I get stupid around him.... for obvious reasons. Anyway, I didn't make too much of an idiot of myself.
So, we still had time, and we went to the book store. That was weird. He doesn't read a lot, but he was being so interested in the books. I wondered if it was just because I was there. I read a lot, and it's something everyone knows. He probably reads about 2 books a year, while I read about 50. So it seemed strange, like he was doing it just because I was with him.
Anyway, We went to the movie, and.... it was great. I tried to talk to him a bit... and I did... but for the most part... it was Harry Potter. I'm like a mega-fan, and this one was particularly awesome. So.... it went okay. Like a movie should.
For any hopeless romantics out there, NO, I couldn't snog him right there in the movie house. For reasons both of unknown sexual orientation and homophobic society, which I hope are self-evident. And, of course, I'd be missing Harry!
After that, we went home and I thanked him (Maybe a few too many times, but I managed to make him laugh)
And he got his stuff (Including the Harry Potter book I lent him - again with the out-of-character reading) and we said goodbye, and he left. At which point I found out my younger stepsister has a crush on him too, but she'll have to beat me there.
Stuff has being happening at school too. Half the groups been absent this week, so he's been sitting next to me more often than usual. And at break the other day, he came to find me. Oh, and I let him borrow my copy of Final Fantasy, which he came over to my house and chilled with me a bit when he got it.
In class today (one where I sat next to him) I was really bored, and drowsy. So, while the teacher was rattling off, I put my head down on my crossed arms. I was facing him, then I opened my eyes, and I swore he quickly looked away from me.
I just dismissed that, but when it happened again..... I dunno.
Then, at break, he asked me if I had plans for the weekend, and I told him, in not so many words, hell no. He didn't really offer to do anything though, so I'm actually wondering why he asked.
And now, here I am, confused, frustrated, full of hormones and romantic ideas. This is SOOOO fucking High School. But hey, I guess it IS actually High School, so...
OB:
Fixed spelling/grammar, and slipped part of the title down into the text, because Young-Bradley made me cringe with that choice.
The be honest, crushes are the best and the worst. You start off thinking someone is cute and then when you're lucky enough to get to know them as more than just a face you get to encounter all the little things behind the physical that rope you in even more.
ReplyDeleteThat's what makes the gay crush even more difficult. I knew girls that had crushes on me and I kind of brushed it off and remained friendly with them, but in the end the fact was that I knew they were interested because they could drop hints or tell their friends about it and have it come back around to me, or some way I'd know. But with guys, it's like, if you don't know they're gay up front then it's soooo confusing wondering if they were trying to drop a hint with some little thing they did or said or if they're just straight and did something random and are completely oblivious to how we (being gay) might be perceiving it. Who knows, maybe there were girls who liked me who thought I was interested in them because of something I said or did, something where I had no idea I had said or did anything that would come off that way.
I had my share of crushes in high school but was unfortunately in a similar situation as you. I didn't go to a Christian school, but being that it was the late 90s there were just NO other gay people that I knew of at my school so I just ended up going through all of high school in the closet. I know there were other gay kids there, but none were out and I wasn't out so I just didn't know how I'd find any of them.
You could have made more excuses to see him if you told him that he could only play Final Fantasy at your house. Hee hee....
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